Flying Qantas – Weighing in on the discourse

It had been a long time between drinks (so to speak) by the time I boarded the plane from Sydney to London aboard a Qantas Dreamliner. Covid had kept me grounded in Sydney, Australia for over two years.

Usually, I fly to France twice yearly where I take up residence, for a couple of months at a time, in the Provençal township of Arles. With the crisis mostly over, I booked my business-class ticket to Lyon (the nearest feasible airport to Arles from Australia) via Singapore and London with Qantas.

I don’t usually fly with Qantas, preferring the route that Emirates takes through Dubai and straight into Lyon from there, but there were very few options, especially as I was using frequent-flyer points.

I had heard about the new Qantas long-distance route that flew directly Perth-London but I wasn’t too interested and was glad my flight stopped over in Singapore. Fourteen hours was plenty of time to sit on an aircraft, I didn’t think adding another three plus hours would be tolerable – but, no problem, this flight’s first sector was to Singapore. Well, it was but… the flight was changed to THAT flight route but from Darwin instead of Perth. I was about to get some first-hand experience.

Before I left Australia, there had been rumblings of discontent in the media about how Qantas was emerging from the Covid crisis – by the time I returned it had turned into a cacophony, justifiably so, in my opinion. So, I thought, with my own recent insights, I’d weigh in on the debate.

Let’s start by saying, this was not the best flight I’d ever had – not by a long margin.

But, starting on a positive note, the Dreamliner is a lovely aircraft, and the flight was smooth and relatively quiet. With our first and only stop being Darwin, it was nice not having to go through customs and security or worry about any Covid requirements of the country we were transiting through too. However, Darwin airport (even in their Business Lounge) is hardly a Business Class transit in Dubai, is it? Anyway, the stop was minimal so no real complaints.

However, there are a volume of complaints about the Qantas Business Class Lounge in Sydney. 

To be honest, I hate flying, so I try to make the bi-annual long-distance flight as pleasant as possible. One tactic is to arrive early to the airport giving me ample time to take advantage of the duty-free shopping and to have a relaxed meal in the Qantas Lounge before boarding. (Dining and shopping – two of my favourite pastimes.)  

Well, while the shopping was as expected and a welcome distraction, the Business Class Lounge is just not what it used to be. Sure, it still looks the same (if a little tired), but the food and drink selection is abysmal. 

The drinks on offer seemed to be my first introduction to what would become a bit of a leif-motiv for the Qantas experience –

“We’re doing the least we can do.”

No French champagne here, and the other wine choices certainly didn’t scream “Prestige” either.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m an avid consumer of Australian wines and I like drinking at that ‘prestige’ level (don’t we all?) – but that level was missing in the Sydney Qantas, Business-Class Lounge.

As for the food, most local take away shops could do better (and they do.) I tried to eat the offerings and each time I was unsuccessful. What a waste of calories the food was. I got onto the plane with considerable indigestion.

Was this really one of the flagship lounges of the Qantas brand?

On the other hand, at the Qantas lounge in London, Heathrow Airport, things were very different: Here the Perrier Jouet champagne flows – on offer from a waiter, anxious to please the customer, at a table where one can order a full meal, if one has the time. Unfortunately, I did not.

The level of service at Heathrow was enhanced considerably from my Sydney experience which was one reminiscent of the old Coles Cafeterias where the staff’s job was to clean away dirty dishes and keep the bain marie’s full and nothing much else.

The contrast between London and Sydney is curious. I’d expect the Sydney lounges to be a showcase for Qantas – more so than the lounge in London. What sort of Australian brand marketing is this?

Then there was the on-board catering:

The only full meal that was served on board was during the Sydney to Darwin leg, after that, it was pretty much what I’d consider to be snacks – the sort you get from the local ‘Greasy Spoon’ wrapped in various guises of bread. Seventeen plus hours on an airplane is a long time without a proper meal. Why they served the main repast Sydney-Darwin is anyone’s guess. Maybe a snack would have been more appropriate at that juncture with the largest meal saved for the long haul.

 Anyway, it all added to the indigestion that was becoming worse, and I only accepted the ‘breakfast’ offering to interrupt my abject boredom. I just moved the food around the plate rather than ate it.

Nowhere to be found was there an Emirate-esque back bar where you can stretch your legs while leaning on that bar talking to your fellow passengers and enjoying a glass of French champagne with a tasty little morsel for it to wash down – such as a mini smoked salmon and cucumber bagel. It makes the flight pass so much quicker. No, on my Qantas flight, a steward informed me of how glad she was that they had nothing of the sort at Qantas, as it just meant work for them – it made the passengers unruly.

But really, with Qantas already in train to introduce direct flights into Europe and North America from Sydney (adding even more hours to a single sector), they are going to have to address passenger boredom and consider the effects of someone in a seat, ostensibly inert, for that long or it’s not “unruly” passengers they’ll need to worry about but dead ones.

In short, I hated the flight.

I felt that I was being herded by wardens and that the flight was all about Qantas doing the least they could do – and I was in business class – I felt more than sorry for those flying down the back. It seemed to be more about the Qantas employees than the passengers who were treated as if they were a considerable impediment to the smooth running of the aircraft.

To prove the aforementioned point: on board, even before we’d left the ground, I got a taste of things to come.

I had, a few months previously, broken my right shoulder in two places and while it had healed well enough, the break meant that my overhead reach had been considerably shortened to the point that getting my small suitcase into the overhead locker was impossible without some help for that last six inches or so. I got none from the airline steward given that helping me push the case into the overhead bin was against their ‘Health and Safety regulations,’ I was told. So, I couldn’t and they wouldn’t.

To the rescue came a several of my co-passengers who fell over themselves to help and were ready, willing and able to keep doing so each time I needed to get the suitcase down or put it back up.  

Now, THAT’S the ‘Spirit of Australia.’

No more can Qantas, with a straight face, claim that they are. I’m not surprised that advertising guru, Philip Adams wants to take back his slogan.